30to40men

I’m at a bit of a loss for words, starting off.  I like No.32 D.

32 D. was on an online dating site.  I was not when I found him.  I was just searching the site as a non-member.  My friend, Taylor, had texted me that she browsed the site the night before and had seen some interesting profiles.  I don’t recall why I was in a dull mood that day, but I decided to brave the waters, see what was in there and get the heck back out.  The online sites just give me the creeps these days.  So, I went on, did a search and browsed.  And I saw this guy and no, he wasn’t someone I would normally look at.  But I did.  I opened up his profile, looked at his other pictures, read his write-up, and something just struck me about him.  If I could put my finger on it, it would be that I felt he was someone who .. you would be in good hands if you were with him, if that makes any sense.

I thought about it for a couple of hours, and just figured why not?  I did up a quick profile and joined as a member and messaged this guy.  He responded later that day.  I responded back.  Then nothing for a few days.  I wrote him one last time, and wished him good luck on the site.  I don’t remember all that I said, but I know I ended it with, “I hope you (and I) find what we are looking for.”  He responded later that day, explained how long his work days have been and assured me he wanted to get to know me better.  And so we continued for a few more days and the conversation slowed again.  I don’t want to be on the site, I joined only to communicate with him, and I wanted off.  I messaged him again one last time, indicating that I wanted to leave and gave him my cell number.  I went against all my rules, my M.O., everything.  I’m just tired I guess, of all the manouvering with dating, and online communications, etc.  Done with wondering what people are thinking, what they mean by what they type.  So tired.  And tired of being overly protective, careful, cautious.  I sent my number, and he messaged that night.  He wanted to text but it was late, agreed the site was no place to be and gave me his phone number and email address as well.  I texted the next day.

We chit-chatted and then the texts became something of substance when I mentioned that I was taking a motorcycle course on the weekend to get my license.  D has been riding since he was 15.  He was happy I was learning to ride.  Well.  That all became a bit uncomfortable when I crashed during the motorcycle course and opted to “voluntarily withdraw”.  Private lessons is what I need, my instructor and I agreed.  I felt bad (although it is quite funny – seriously, I crashed in front of 13 people and 5 instructors).  And then I had to tell this guy. 😦

D. was very sympathetic, said it wasn’t the right training for me, and offered to teach me.  I couldn’t take him up on his offer – I hadn’t even met him yet.  It was nice though.. at that moment to be treated with kindness.  Taylor came over to hang with me as I cried off and on about my horrible motorcycle experience.  She was excited about me meeting D., because while she was browsing the dating site she had picked D. out especially for me.  I have been getting the sense lately that I’m either ready for a serious relationship or I’m in a spot in my life where my heart is simply open to fulfilling it’s need for love and tenderness.  I told Taylor, if this guy is even half-way attractive and treats me with tenderness (particularly  about the bike thing), I will simply fall at his feet.  She agreed: yes, you are ready.

So I went to meet D. yesterday at a diner for a late lunch.  I was worried that I had lost my mojo in a puddle of gas under a Kawasaki Marauder the day before, but it came back, sure enough as I walked into the diner with complete self-assurance.  I spotted him, engrossed in the menu.  I walked over and said hello and he looked up and smiled and moved out of the booth to stand and hug me.  That is, unfolded himself.  He is 6’2″.  And I like that.  He is narrower, skinnier than I thought, but I liked how his back felt when I hugged him.  He is a grip, a camera operator, and a couple of other things.  He works on movie and film sets, and he is sinewy and strong from all that work.  He is my age, but as a fellow who works outside in the elements, he looks every bit that age.  He has a full head of brown hair, and wears it long.  He is tanned and a bit leathery.  Large hazel eyes in a thin face. Full nose, eyebrows, lips.  Facial hair (which is a bit of a must for me these days).  He does not ooze sex-appeal.  He does not ooze self-assurance.  He was down-right squirrelly a number of times.  He is not someone I would have said yes to during all these months of dating.  No, I was not instantly attracted.  But I like him.  I can’t explain it.  And he was kind and tender.  And he was down-right interesting.  And how can I now be attracted to someone I would not have been even just a month or two ago?  It all comes down to timing.  Your heart is open when your heart is open.

We ate and talked for about an hour and a half. We discovered that we went to the same high school.  Not the same grade – let’s just say D. is not my intellectual equal.  But never mind that.  And for being on the spot when the facts didn’t add up – same age, different grades – it was me who felt tenderness toward him.

So, he may not be the type of guy I have looked for, and it may surprise some of my friends if/when they meet him.  But I’m just going to follow my heart right now.  And it’s following D.

He texted a few hours after our meetup.  “It was nice to have lunch with you.  I hope we can do it again soon.”  And then later he said he was glad he came back to live in our hometown; had he not he never would have met me.  Yes, this is where I freeze up.  Just like on that damn motorcycle course.  But I’m not gonna crash this one, and even if I do, it won’t really hurt.  I’m just gonna see what happens.

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Haha! Finally!!  After what.. a 7 week? hiatus, 30to40 is back on.  I think.  Well, I met No. 31 Friday night so it seems promising.

I went out Friday night to meet up with a friend I haven’t seen in 13 years.  We used to work together, and we always had fun together – she was one of several people that made that job the funnest I’ve ever had.  We fell out of touch over time as I left that job for another.. and then another, and she did the same as well.  But we reconnected on facebook recently and as her profile picture shows her with a drink in hand, I knew we would have fun together again.  And we did.  🙂

I met her at a bar that’s a little off the beaten track.  It’s near where I grew up, in a more low-key part of town, but this bar (an Irish one, and not that tacky kind of Irish bar, a nice one, with a good, pure vibe) is bit of a best-kept secret.  I always find nice people there… and men to look at.  As soon as I got there, looked around, saw her waving upstairs by the bar, made my way up and we had our big, warm embrace – there was A., standing at the bar to my left, looking happy and excited to see us.  I smiled.  I was in that happy, easy-going mood.  I think I just said hello, I’m not sure.  And then I looked to the fellow next to him, to my immediate left – and it was No.18 P.  Sigh…. I can’t go anywhere.  But I kept the beaming smile glued to my face and said “Hey! I met you!! P., isn’t it??” (and the only way I remembered his name is thanks to my last post , where I had to revisit the last 30 men I met).  He seemed surprised I would remember his name, but we shook hands, and I immediately looked to A., to ask his name and shook his as well.  P. asked if I went to Ireland, I said “yes!”, and A. said, “you were in Ireland, so was I!!”  It ended up we were in Dublin at the exact same time.  A. was cute and glowing.  I will say, he did seem excited to be chatting with me.  I was happy to be chatting with him as well, but I came there expressly to be reunited with my friend and I was looking forward to spending time just with her, so I put my arm around her and said farewell to P. and A., explaining how excited my friend and I were to get caught up.  We went to a different part of the bar, got a table and spent the next couple of hours happily doing just that.

At some point, P. came to our table and invited us up to his.  He and A. had been joined by a couple and were at a large table at the back.  We said we might come up a little later.

And so we did.  The 6 of us carried on and drank, laughed at how we were all connected in some ways – went to the same high school, knew mutual friends, etc.  P., as it turns out, is not the best drunk.  He picked little fights with my friend, I told him he was getting “fighty”, and the rest of the table made it known while P. wasn’t there that they didn’t really know P. all that well.  I think they were embarrassed of his behaviour.  I was just content with the fact that I didn’t get involved with him when we met in the Spring.

But A. and I did get along well.  He is very attractive.  Big.  Tall and muscular.  In shape.  Great complexion.  Tanned, blue/green eyes, blond hair cut short, 2 years younger than me.  Surfer.  Put together, but with a touch of that hipster style.  A nice complement to me.  He works in design.  And his office is around the corner from the bar.  How do I know?  Because he suggested we go there a couple of times.  I said no.

And so that skips us to the end a little.  Despite being a great conversationalist, hot, together (completely single, or so he said, all loose-ends tied up), and despite wanting me to stay longer (we stayed an hour or so after everyone else left), A. didn’t bother asking me for my phone number before putting me in a cab to go home.  I had politely answered no to his last suggestion of going to his office around the corner.  And that seemed to be the end of night.  I think that’s fine because there were 2 red flags for me.  1., he cut me off alot.  Like he didn’t want to hear me talk.  (We were drinking though, so maybe I’m judging too harshly.)  But there was 2., he seemed rather sensitive.  I pick on men, yes, to see what they can handle.  I like someone who can take little jokes and jabs, and can turn around and do them back.  It’s a game and it’s fun.  A., however, seemed to take things personally.  …And that reminded me of T.  Can’t help it.  Gawd… that’s all I need!!

So, I’m ok with that being the end of No.31 A.  During the course of the night, I secretly added him to facebook.  He accepted the request at 3am.  And there he is on my fb.. with a freshly posted, hot as hell photo of him with a guitar with a river behind him.  Yum!!  But sensitive? And not bothering to get my number after asking me to go to his “office around the corner”?

Not for this chick.

Okay, I know it’s been slow.  We all just have to ride the waves of our lives and I’m content to do so right now with the lack of men coming into my life.  I have friends.  Friends and my health.  The rest is just gravy.

But here it is – I have, after all, met the minimum of my range of 30 to 40 men.  I plan on continuing, so there will be more to report on – when I’m ready, which pssst.. I think is soon! – but I thought I’d look back at this particular milestone and do some calculations.  Here they are:

Of the 30 men I’ve met and blogged about..

  • 25 I met through online dating sites
  • 5 I met through real life
  • 9 became friends (3 from real life, 6 from online)
  • 3 of these 9 are close friends (all 3 were from online)
  • 1 was just a jerk
  • 2 I had feelings for and got involved with (1 turned into a douchebag, the other.. I long for, but he is in Brazil)

Let’s look at this differently:

Of the 5 men I met through real life..

  • 3 became friends (not close)
  • 1 I really had a connection with, and should have gotten his number.. but I was distracted by the fiddle player, make that: electric violinist
  • 1 I long for, but he is in Brazil

Of the 25 men I met through online..

  • 17 I will never see again – nothing really wrong with them, just not for me
  • 3 became friends (not close)
  • 3 became close friends
  • plus – 1 other close friend – we met strictly as friends because we live too far apart, and close friends we really are – I did not include him in the 30
  • 1 was just a jerk
  • 1 I had feelings for and got involved with – but he ended up being a douchebag

This project isn’t over, and I really should hold off on drawing any conclusions, but this is how it looks, folks:

  • There’s a 10X higher percent chance of developing a connection with someone you meet through real-life.  Roughly a 40% chance, as opposed to a 4% chance with people you meet online. (No guarantees how that “connection” will turn out though.)
  • Online, despite it’s issues and limitations, is not all together a bad thing.  You can end up finding what you didn’t necessarily set out looking for – good friends.  While it appears you may have a 60% chance of developing friendships with the people you meet in real-life, as opposed to just a 24% chance through online dating, as far as ‘close’ friendships go, those appear to come out of the random-ish way we meet people online, rather than through real-life.  A 12% chance.  Like I said, I won’t knock my online dating experiences.  I have 3 (make that 4) really close guy friends because of it.  Guys who helped me see the light when it came to the one douchebag that I met .. online. 🙂
  • And speaking of which, it has been my experience that the jerks and douchebags are waiting for you online.  Somehow, I think I managed to sniff them out in the real-life realm before I even met them.  Not bad though – only an 8% chance of meeting a jerk or douchebag – but then again, my friends have told me that I must do a good job of sniffing them out on there as well.  Not sure.
  • And finally, there are the “insignificants”.  People who have no impact, either way (not a lover, friend, or foe).  Those you only meet from the online world – because it takes meeting them in person – yes, and waste all that precious, precious time – to figure out that they have no role in your life.  So this is a caution to all who think online dating is a good investment of your time…  Nearly 3 out of every 4 people you meet from online dating, you will never see again.
  • But that 1 in 4… ?  86% chance they will be a friend (half of them will become close friends), 14% chance they will be a lover.  In my case, unfortunately, there was a 100% chance of that lover being a douchebag, but I’m gonna have faith that that was just bad luck.

I acknowledge my sample size is small, particularly when it comes to the people met through real-life, so take this all with an online grain of salt.

Wow… I am really wondering who No. 31 is going to be.  I’ve slowed down on meeting men – for all kinds of good reasons – and I don’t see No. 31 coming along soon.  .. But I do wonder a little who it will be..

In the meantime, there are a couple stories that haven’t made it to the blog.. yet.

Scott.  The fellow from my past.  11 years ago we dated, he was a dick, yes, and then I bumped into him last month at a bar.  He wanted another opportunity, all these years later, and I figured everyone changes over time, so why not see if there’s anything there.  Well, there wasn’t anything there.  He held back when I tried to discuss our pasts; his answers just didn’t vouch for the reality – the agony of a failed, long-term relationship.  I felt a sense of disingenuity.  And then came the text messages while I was away for a weekend.  I wanted to be left alone.  And before that, an insistence on seeing me, a suggestion that he could drop in at 10pm.  No.  I let him go.  And then I run into him again at a bar – I’m rarely out, and so is he (so he said), so I don’t know what is going on there.  He flirted with my friends, hung around all night, bought them drinks.  Ugh..  What can I say?  Dick.

And then there was vengeance.  🙂  Well, really, it was karma.  I love karma, and whoever doesn’t believe in it – yer crazy, it’s out there.  Wednesday of last week, I got stuck in a lot of traffic. I have little patience for unnecessarily sitting in my car, so I veered out of the traffic and into a mall parking lot for a quick supper in the food court.  I got my chicken souvlaki plate, scanned for a table – it was crowded in there too – found a spot and sat down to eat, pulling out my phone to answer a couple texts.  I began to settle into my food.  I looked up and there was a tall, bald man.  He reminded me of Scott… well, it was Scott!! Again???!!!  How many times could I run into this guy in the span of 4 weeks?  And don’t go thinking it’s a sign or a match made in heaven.  His behaviour 11 years ago, plus his behaviour while we dated, PLUS his behaviour with my friends – all of that has thoroughly turned me off this guy.  But sitting across from him and his little family (he said he was no longer with the mother of his children – who knows if that was a lie or not because there she was), facing him directly while he was facing to my right – well, that was just poetic justice.  Yes, he saw me.  Yes, he looked over.  Yes, he looked uncomfortable as hell – after all, I was grinning from ear to ear like a cheshire cat.  And yes, he ignored me completely.  Didn’t stop me from enjoying the moment, enjoying my food while I bored holes through the side of his head.  Oh, and I giggled as I texted my friends (not the ones he flirted with, but my close friends), telling them what was happening.  I ate slowly, and got to watch Scott’s exit.  A slow, proud stroll, with a casual toss of his suit jacket over his shoulder.  Not one nod or smile to me.  Ha ha.. busted!!

So really, that should be the last of him.  Karma done good.  🙂

Also in the news.. I mentioned some time ago that an acquaintance wanted to set me up with his friend.  But his friend was in a 6-month relationship that he was “trying to get out of”.  I decided the situation wasn’t for me.  I see this acquaintance about once a week.  Three weeks ago, before I could get the words out of my mouth that I had decided I wasn’t interested, he broke the news that his friend had officially ended the relationship the night before and was now out of the country for 10 days.  He was worried that now that his friend was free, I was not.  The reality was, I had let Scott go and when I told my acquaintance, he was filled with new excitement – “See!! It’s meant to be!!  You and W. are meant to be together!!”  He is still pushing me to meet W., but I said to give it time (if ever..).

So, a couple stories.

And L. from Brazil checked my LinkedIn profile again on Monday…

Figuring out what’s good for you is one thing.  Doing it is another.

I went to the beach Saturday.  In my typical fashion.  Decided I would go, grabbed some stuff, and went.  This typical fashion of mine means I’m going alone.  I don’t plan – I know I should, but it’s just not my style lately.  Without plans, it’s difficult to find some company at the last minute, and I have little patience and don’t want to wait around… so often, I am alone.  And I don’t mind.  But on Saturday, it occurred to me: this being alone shit is probably not good for me.  I have an active social life, so no problems there, but there are pockets of being alone that are a little too large I think for my own good.  And, following this blog it should be apparent to you – I haven’t been meeting/dating any men.  The “Smile and Say Hello” project is an epic fail.  I’m a week or so in, and haven’t seen anyone I want to smile and say hello to.

As I walked along the beach – in the fog – haha, alone in the fog at the beach.. – it occured to me that without a fairy godmother, or a godmother at all, someone needs to push me to do what’s good for me.  And that has to be me.  Just the day before I read an entertainment article about freshly-separated stars getting back into the world of dating.  One was quoted as saying, “I’m dating – with training wheels on”.  So, it seems like an effort to just do what’s good for you, even if your heart needs a little encouragement.  Lately though, I just haven’t felt encouraged.  I don’t see much out there that I want, so would rather be alone, hang with my buds.  And in all fairness, I’m a bit preoccupied at the moment with a home reno.  And all that home reno stuff – I think it’s linked psychologically with where I’m at right now.  My home, my life, is still looking like the past.  It needs to be sorted, fixed, overhauled, reno’d, made pretty and fresh again.  And in my own way.

Regardless, what’s good for me, I thought, is the company of a fellow.  Doesn’t have to be serious.  And, quite frankly, it’s only natural – I should be enjoying some physically affection.  And without all the hangups.  It’s not exactly what I’m inclined to do at the moment, but my godmother side of me says so.  And just the night before the beach, I had a young male acquaintance begin to text me.  And I could tell physical affection was on offer.  I had laughed it off.  On my foggy beach day, I wondered if I was looking a gift-horse in the mouth.

As I left the beach, he texted again.

Game on, I decided.

So, I texted Ahmed back and we made plans to get together for a bite to eat and a movie at my place later Saturday night, after he got off work.

I thought it was a good thing for me to do, and then a male friend of mine texted in.  He was in town and looking for a good spot to eat, alone.  He’s a really good friend, a really nice guy, someone I enjoy spending time with.  I wanted to hang with him.  I regretted my plans with Ahmed.  Ahmed may have been a good thing to do, but I really wanted to spend time with my buddy.  So.. I made it happen.  I shifted plans with Ahmed a little and took off to see my guy-friend.  I’m so happy I did.  We shared mussels and nachos at a downtown pub, got caught up, smiled, enjoyed each other’s company.  It lifted my heart.  And then I went home to get ready for Ahmed.

And then my phone squawked again.  Another really, really good male friend.  Oh, I really wanted to hang with him.  He doesn’t have much spare time.  I rarely see him.  But Ahmed was coming.  And what was good for me was on the agenda.

So, Ahmed came over, with some food, and oozing sensuality.  He is .. too young for me.. but he doesn’t think so.  He is tall, gorgeous eyes, dark skinned, shaved bald, very fit.  We get along very well so had lots to chill and talk about.  And as most fellows do – even Ahmed – he opened up to me.  He is struggling.  It is a mid-20s crisis, I know, I was there.  Ahmed is married.  I didn’t know.  He is married, but they are sleeping in separate beds.  It is over.  But he cares for her and doesn’t want to hurt her.  He is waiting until she is finished her degree in December.  He is full of angst, guilt, concern, confusion, depression.  He put his head in his hands several times.  He asked what he and I could be.  I said, “I think you and I are good friends.”

He struggled with that too, and yes, made several moves.  He’s wanted me for a while he said.  Ahhh… but I couldn’t.  I can’t.  Can’t.  Eventually, I made him leave.

And after he was gone, I texted my friend back and had a lovely conversation.  One that lifted my heart.

So.. I did give it go, and I have concluded that your heart, not your mind, knows what’s good for you.  ‘Just listen to it when it’s quiet’, a friend taught me.  And being alone lately has quieted my heart.  🙂  And it says I have the most wonderful male friends, who, without all the other ‘stuff’, lift my heart to where it wants to be.

Here’s another post that I’m not quite sure how it’s gonna come out.  All I know is things hit me all of a sudden last night as I went to bed.  And all had to do with evolving – or not – as one goes along in the dating world.. and memories of good guys along the way.

It’s nice to think that each guy who lets you go is a jerk, and that you improve your choices of men as you move on.  I’ll never forget the moment I was with T., when I realized I hadn’t improved on the last fellow, Trent.  When I first started to hang with T., I felt more physically comfortable with him than I did Trent.  I attributed it to him just being a better choice in men.  As it turned out, it wasn’t true.  In the beginning, I simply felt more comfortable around T., because T. was more comfortable with himself than Trent was.  Trent was going though a life crisis.  I was there in the middle of it.  While I slept peaceful next to T., I had to take sleeping pills to sleep next to Trent.  Trent was taking sleeping pills too.  I was only picking up on his restless heart, and so I was restless too. 

I remember the night I realized I had gone backwards in men, that the one I was with was clearly less of a man than the previous one.  It was one of the nights when T. was showing his true colours: the temperamental, controling, vindictive, cruel colours.  I don’t remember what happened that night, but I remember laying awake next to T. – eyes open to the darkness – thinking of Trent and how he would never have talked to me that way.  Would never have done anything to make me feel the way T. did.  Never a harsh word.  Never a moment of anger.  And I had no sleeping pills to blot out these thoughts with inky blank dreams. 

And so things have gone the way they have gone.  Some time ago, I didn’t plan on it, but I found myself facing all 3 of my exes from the past year.  Greg, Trent, and T.  Facing them down, over email, text, facebook, whatever.  Greg had been emailing me since January, asking for a second chance.  I had politely declined and was now angry with his incessant requests.  T. had contacted me, chatted sweetly, enticed me out to visit him, then turned cold and silent.  I told him goodbye (and we know the rest)… And somewhere in there I took on Trent too.  He hadn’t responded to a text I had sent, asking how his birthday was.  Trent always responded.  Oh, I figured, now he has a girlfriend he thinks he’s all better than me and I don’t deserve a response.  I reached out again, and when no response, I’d had enough.  Enough of the one way street.  “Ass”, I called him on facebook. 

So three exes, and three direct messages telling them to get out of my life altogether.  The responses were telling.  Greg responded with indignance and refused to take responsibility for his actions that led us to this point.  T. drew me in, played his game, left me hollow.  But Trent was different.  He responded with a swift and sincere apology.  He misunderstood my message.  He took responsibility.  “I should’ve messaged you sooner.”  Trent is a good guy.  Even a couple weeks ago, as I caught up with a male friend during a road trip – mostly about what T. did – he commented: “Viv, you talk more about Trent than you do T., and the things you say are always positive.”  So, the reality is, the sad thing is, I haven’t found better, done better, since Trent.

Last night, as I went to bed, I checked into LinkedIn.  What I didn’t include in my last post, is that I sent L., the “Brazilian in Ireland”, a long message when I got home, drunk, yes, Saturday night.  I did well – I was afraid to read it over the next day, but I did read it yesterday and it was good.  The muses must’ve taken over Saturday night.  It’s a good note.  I told him the wine and whiskey were only giving me courage and to forgive me, I know he will have a hard time interpreting it, but I can’t write as carefully as I normally do, with simple English so he will understand me.  I told him he had a positive impact on my life.  That he met me as I was happy, but I was only happy because I had given up on finding an affectionate, considerate man.  But he was those things to me, and so now I haven’t given up.  I told him I know he is back with his girlfriend and I wish him all the happiness in the world.  She is a very lucky girl.  “Please don’t be a stranger” I said, and told him again that I was so thankful that I met him and for our brief time together. 

So going to bed last night I was restless as it was the end of my vacation and I was going to work the next morning.  I flicked on my phone and went to LinkedIn.  Of course no message – my friends say it may take a while.  I say I don’t expect to hear from L. ever again.  I’m not lying.  It’s the way of the world.  But I got to say what is in my heart.  And I will happy with the thought that he is forever happy.  He and I smiled alot during our time together so I can only remember him that way.  But there in the section about who has viewed your profile, was L.  He had viewed it that day.  It was a tiny connection between us over all that distance.   He had received my message, and for some reason decided to view my profile again.  I was reminded of how good and considerate he was.  And then all of a sudden, there was a memory of Trent.  It simply came out of nowhere.  A memory of Trent, leaning over to push my placemat out of perfect alignment as we sat at his table after breakfast, talking.  Trent was toying with me.  He had observed me absent-mindedly straightening my placement as I talked.  What he was doing was pushing it so it was slightly crooked, right under my nose, as I was occupied in what I was saying.  And apparently, I would straighten it again.  Then he would reach over and push it again.  And I would straighten it again.  He noticed a quirk about me, and was good naturedly getting his kicks out of it.  I don’t know why this memory came back but it filled me with positive thoughts about him.  This was not a callous prick.  And I’m lucky to have met him too. 

As I lay in bed, knowing it was late and that I need my sleep, I was overcome with the positivity of these two men, L. and Trent.  In some way, I know I am fortunate to have met the others.  But in all ways I am truly blessed to have spent time with these two.

Oh my god I suck at this..  This is gonna be a miserable report.  I did not smile and say hello to any men this whole weekend.

I did go looking though.  I was busy around the house for most of Saturday but I did go out to the grocery store – with the full expectation that I would see at least one fellow I would find attractive.  I usually do.  I kept my eyes peeled.  I must’ve gone at a bad time of day – there was hardly anyone there!  There was no one to say hello to, not even in the self-checkout line – the best spot to find single hotties with their basket of chicken wings and other frozen dinners.  Na-da.  Nothing.

I went to a friend’s party.  I expected all gay men, so put away my Smile and Say Hello project.  I stood in her kitchen, chatting with the gays, talking about how long it’s been since I last had sex… And noticed the room became a little quiet.  A tall, young fellow blushed.  The topic of conversation changed… and then it became suddenly horribly apparent that half the men in the room were straight.  “You’re not gay?”, I tentatively pointed at the tall guy and asked.  “Umm.. no, why do I look gay?”  My hand went up to my mouth.  And I couldn’t help but laugh at myself.  The gay men in the room looked at me and smiled.  I blushed.  They laughed.  Yes, I’d had a drink or two by this point.  I confessed… “I thought everyone here was gay.  There’s a certain way women act around gay men that they wouldn’t necessarily act around straight men…  I can’t believe I just talked openly about my sex life!”  Everyone laughed.  One gay guy asked “how are you going to dig yourself out of this hole??”  I closed my eyes and belly-laughed… “I don’t care to dig myself out of this hole.. I’m rather proud of this hole I dug!!”  And we all laughed and we all had a good night.

We later went to a bar, and who should be there but Scott – flirting with my friends.  “You made a good call”, his friend said to me.  “Scott has a one-track mind.  He’s trying to pick up that ugly girl over there, and he’s also flirting with your friends.  He’s my friend and all, but he’s an idiot.”  And yes, it was wrong – his behaviour toward my friends, and my friends flirting back.  But those are women who have their priorities backwards.  Friends should come first.  I wish them luck, and told them they have my blessing if they want to date Scott, but for this evening, could they stop hanging around him… I certainly didn’t want to hang around him.  But women with their priorities backwards will do as they do.  When Scott was unsuccessful with the girl at the bar, he came back for my friend.  And she jumped at the opportunity.  I feel bad for her.  She doesn’t know what I know.

But there is more to the story.  His friend came to dance with me when he saw that Scott had come out on the dancefloor and was dancing with my friend.  As it turns out, this friend of Scott’s… is a really good dancer.  And.. so am I.  We had a blast.  Over and over, he complimented me on my moves, called Scott an idiot.  He was fun.  He made my night.  He’s not someone that I was attracted to, but he is someone I could become attracted to.  Most men, when they want you to dance closer, put their hand on your back and pull you in.  This guy – he grabbed my left front pocket of my shorts.  A number of times.  I loved it.  It was just.. cool.  The first thought that came to my mind when I woke up this morning was him pulling my pocket. 

I decided to leave a bit suddenly and didn’t get his name or any info.  I take it my friends continued to hang with Scott, et al, as I asked one today if she got this fellow’s name.  She knew his first name.  I’ll just hope I see him again someday and get to dance with him again.  .. Does that mean seeing Scott again though?  One thing I know for sure, my instincts are bang on.  I’m glad I dumped his ass.  🙂

So today was the hangover day.  A greasy lunch with some of the gang from last night, and an ice cream this eve with my friend, Taylor.  No smiles and hello’s, but a lot of insightful conversations with friends about dating at this age, and about smiling and saying hello.  We reported on what our straight male friends have told us: Yes, do smile and say hello.  We need to know where you stand, if you are interested, if you would welcome a hello/a flirt from us. 

And so I have a couple other ladies on to the smile and say hello project.  Jeezus, I better have something to report on soon…

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